A deeply disturbing picture of Lindsay Clancy’s mental state in the months before the deaths of her three young children has emerged during her ongoing murder trial in Massachusetts, as prosecutors and defense attorneys presented passages from private journals found inside her home.

Clancy, a former labor and delivery nurse, is accused of killing her children — 5-year-old Cora, 3-year-old Dawson and 8-month-old Callan — in January 2023. She has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity, with her defense arguing that severe postpartum psychosis, combined with a complicated history of psychiatric treatment and medications, left her unable to understand or control her actions.

The journals presented in court described a woman who repeatedly felt overwhelmed by motherhood and increasingly distressed by her own mental state. In one entry, Clancy wrote about feeling completely overwhelmed while caring for three children and described desperately wanting a mental break from taking care of everyone.

Other passages showed her struggling with what she described as brain fog, emotional disconnection and an inability to feel fully connected to her baby and husband. One entry read in court said, “My mind never shuts off,” while another expressed a direct plea: “I want help, I want to be well.”

The court also heard about writings reflecting suicidal thoughts and severe psychological distress. Reports on the journal evidence have highlighted an entry in which Clancy expressed a desire to die, adding another disturbing element to the prosecution and defense debate over her state of mind before the killings.

Investigators also found material inside the family’s Duxbury home that focused on postpartum mental health. Among the items seized was a book titled Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts, along with other books and workbooks about postpartum depression and a postpartum anxiety notebook.

The discovery has become significant in the courtroom because Clancy’s defense maintains that she had been desperately seeking help while her condition deteriorated. Her medical history shows that she had been prescribed numerous psychiatric medications and had experienced serious problems with depression, anxiety, insomnia and suicidal thoughts.

Prosecutors, however, are presenting a different interpretation. They argue that Clancy was criminally responsible and that the killings were deliberate, challenging the defense’s portrayal of her mental state and the circumstances surrounding the deaths.

The trial has also heard testimony suggesting that Clancy did not display obvious signs of psychosis during a brief psychiatric assessment two days after the killings, although the psychiatrist acknowledged having only limited interaction with her at the time.

As the trial continues, the private writings offer jurors a rare glimpse into Clancy’s thoughts before the tragedy. But their meaning remains one of the central questions of the case: whether they demonstrate a woman desperately deteriorating under severe mental illness, or provide a different picture of her state of mind before the killings.

The final determination will rest with the jury and the evidence presented in court.